


The Way to His Heart is Through His Stomach

by Vivi (Octofae)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), I slipped too far down the magical girl road and then took it too far, Klance because I'm trash, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Shadam, Shiro and Keith are like brothers - Freeform, Takes place between season 7 and 8, adashi, keith snorts when he laughs, lance can cook but not as well as hunk, lance hunk and pidge have a wholesome and healthy friendship, lance likes magical girls, laughing keith, mentions of adam and shiro's former relationship, pidge and peanut butter, please don't take me and my nonsense seriously, somewhat canon-complient, sorry I don't make the rules - Freeform, the garrison trio do dumb stuff because the writer is dumb, this is seriously a dumb crackfic, this is seriously a dumb thing meant for humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 06:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17934512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octofae/pseuds/Vivi
Summary: After being discharged from the hospital, our humans of Team Voltron gather in the kitchen where good-natured teasing turns into a party, where Lance makes everyone laugh and feel better, because goodness knows they all need it.This is a total crackfic.Eventual Klance.





	The Way to His Heart is Through His Stomach

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sovadka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sovadka/gifts).



> So a few notes to get started with - this story is based on a dream I had that was ironically, Klance themed. Unfortunately it was a rather short dream that I could summarized in three paragraphs and I needed some filler to stretch it out and make it far more interesting.
> 
> And so, here we are.

With no progress on the Altean pilot left in the komar - named Luka, according to Romelle - and the Earth at peace thanks to the combined efforts of everyone; the paladins were enjoying some well-earned downtime. Romelle had insisted on staying near Luka should she wake up and Allura and Coran had taken their leave to go ensure Romelle took care of herself in the meantime. With the team’s three Alteans in the med ward, the humans congregated in the kitchen, all sitting around the table.

“Oh whatever Shiro,” despite his crossed arms, Keith’s expression was nothing short of mischievous smirking. “If it hadn’t been for Adam cooking for us, I’d have died from food poisoning and you from starvation.”

Shiro missed Adam terribly, but caught himself smiling at the happier memories. Unbothered by Keith's not entirely untrue jab, Shiro held up his mismatched hands in mock-surrender, “I will have you know that I make only the most top quality charcoal in the known universe.”

“Oh please, even I cook better than you,” Keith asserted, playfully.

“Frying an egg and boiling pasta hardly counts, Keith,” Shiro mock-scolded; though the corners of his mouth remained upturned with amusement.

Keith shrugs, “I was at least teachable, unlike someone, I know—“

The brothers were so preoccupied with their banter, only the sounds of snickering reminded them that they hadn’t been alone; even Keith and Shiro joined in the laughter, whatever Keith had been planning on saying became a fleeting thought.

“I don’t think anyone can top Hunk’s cooking though,” Keith concluded once he composed himself.

“Awwwwww Buddy!” Hunk cried out in joy, pulling the resident samurai into a bone-crushing hug. “That’s so sweet of you!! I’m glad you like my cooking! Oh! But Lance can make great guacamole!!”

At being put on the spot, the sharpshooter found himself flustered at the sudden praise; but recovered quickly, “Oh please Hunk - I only know what I know from spending most of my time in the kitchen getting in my mom’s way - uh, Abuela’s too when she visited. Seriously Hunk, nothing I make is near as good as yours, you’re a real professional!”

Hunk beamed at the praise, smiling sheepishly, “maybe, but you’ve given me your guacamole recipe and stood there watching me make it, and it still doesn’t turn out right.”

Lance shrugs, “its Abuela’s recipe, and I can personally promise that mine’s nothing compared to her’s.”

The duo went back and forth before it turned into an amusing praising contest: Hunk and Lance each determined to out compliment his best friend.

“Lance! You should make some! Pleeeeaaassseeee! I really missed it while we were up in space!” Hunk blurted out suddenly, quickly mustering up the saddest puppy-eyes he could give Lance.

Pidge nodded in agreement with Hunk, “Me too. Remember the time you stayed with Hunk for spring break and you made that huge container of it before you came back and the three of us ate the whole thing off campus because Iverson wouldn’t let you bring it in?”

Hunk laughed at the memory, “We were so full we couldn’t do drills the next day.”

Pidge snickered, “Hunk you threw up even more than normal when we got in the simulator!”

Lance nodded a warm smile spreading across his face, raising his hands in surrender, “Okay, okay, I’ll make it. Let me just grab an apron so I can transform myself into-“ he paused before continuing in the most obnoxious, tastefully horrible falsetto he could muster, “-Lancey Lance - the magical girl of guacamole!” As he finished his sentence, he illustrated his point by defaulting to a pose, obviously inspired by Sailor Moon.

Lady Misfortune seemed to have an arm around Keith, who had chosen that same moment to take a drink from the cup sitting in front of him. Rather than spraying Pidge and her computer -his life was spared another day; he ended up choking on the liquid; Shiro reacted immediately to the coughing Keith, who finally managed to sputter between coughs, “Lance, what the hell was that???”

Pursing his lips, Lance theatrically seemed to mull the question over before breaking into a grin not unlike the Cheshire cat, “Obviously, I was getting ready to take on the forces of evil that would try say that a man can’t be domesticated.”

“Give me a computer over domestication any day,” Pidge commented dryly, taking a long and exaggerated bite of peanut butter; making a big display of sucking deliberately on the spoon and savoring every moment of flavor. She had really really missed peanut butter.

“Uh Pidge, I don’t think going through another jar can be good for you,” Hunk cautioned his friend softly.

“Peanut butter can make me sick, and I will always love it,” the green paladin responded with a shrug.

Lance immediately chimed in with a chuckle, “Relationship goals: find yourself a partner who looks at you the way Pidge looks at peanut butter.”

His laughter was infectious, and soon, his fellow paladins (and retired paladin) had joined in. It was nice really, being back on Earth (and out of the hospital) just being people was a welcome change of pace from the previous four and a half years of non-stop fighting.

With blaring alarms and combat ready conditioning, unconventional had become the Voltron family’s conventional. Which is why they were sitting around a kitchen table at three o’clock in the morning laughing like it was just another day.

Lance had donned the frilliest pink apron he could find in the closet and padded barefoot around the kitchen opening various drawers, cabinets and the refrigerator gathering all that he needed before getting to work with making the bright and early morning snack of the witching hour.

Hunk made himself busy with finding the perfect chips to accompany the guacamole while Pidge zoned back out into her own little world as she typed at her computer. Shiro used his floating arm to get plates and Keith made sure they had napkins as Lance filled the bowl with his chosen ingredients.

As he sat back down, Keith was spared another near-death by red bull since he had abandoned his drink after the first incident. It ended up being a good call because his favorite sharpshooter decided to cross his arms above his head while doing his magical girl voice again, this time cocking his hip to one side, “MAGIC WINX,” he announced dramatically, as he picked up a fork to mix up the ingredients, yelling “Guacamole!” like a battle cry.

Keith was not to be held responsible for the snort that occurred, his laughter only intensifying when Lance began singing what he assumed was a transformation sequence.

“Lance,” Shiro wheezed between laughs - it is unknown if he was laughing more from Keith’s obnoxious (but adorable) snort-laughing - oops the esteemed leader of Voltron fell out of his chair - or Lance’s antics, “what are you doing?”

Lance seemed happy with seeing the former black paladin so relaxed and stress free, “My niece really loves this really old cartoon called Winx Club - Abuela has DVD’s from her childhood, back when it was popular - and I watched the whole series with her eighteen times. I was referencing that. Believe it or not, the music is really good. Seriously good.”

Hunk chimed in “Oh! Lance had the entire soundtrack on his playlist and played it on repeat when we were in our room; he’d do these gymnastic dance moves with them! It was great - well except for the one time he severely misjudged how much space was between him and the desk and hit his leg on it. That looked and sounded like it hurt. I mean, Lance full on caught the corner of my desk with his calf.”

Unfazed by the good natured teasing, Lance sent an air kiss in Hunk’s general direction. “And who was it that made play the Sirenix transformation on repeat until he learned the words?”

“I feel the power of the ocean…” Pidge sang out from behind her computer screen, trailing off when she noticed the silence, “Oh My bad,” she looked up from her computer sheepishly, “I heard you say Sirenix and thought we were going to that thing we did where we sang Sirenix on the way to breakfast.”

Keith finally managed to pick himself up off the floor, “you three did what now?”

“A morning routine as important as my skin care, keep up, Mullet,” Lance teased with a sing-song voice, turning to set the bowl of fresh guacamole on the table and taking a seat beside Keith, “alright, enjoy!”

**Author's Note:**

> I should be sorry, but I'm not.
> 
> Notes:  
> I say "four" years because Voltron technically lost three years while in the rift.  
> The song Pidge started singing is the Sirenix transformation song.


End file.
